Super Jessie

Lord of the Rings; what not to do... and other things...

Right, I’m gonna paste this so that Kim
can read them, as her computer deletes forwards or something. I got them in an email from Jae
.

What NOT to do during The Return of the King

1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly,

"Wait . . . where's Harry Potter?"

2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming:

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

3. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip

every time someone says: "The Ring."

4. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.

5. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to

Hogwarts.

6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr.

Anderson."

7. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top

of your lungs sing, "And I did it . . . MY way!

8. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end,

bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.

9. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of

Helms Deep," Monty Python style.

10. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"

11. Every time Elrond appears, shout out (in your best

"Dobby" voice) "Clothes! Master gave Elrond Clothes!"

12. In The Two Towers, when the Ents decide to march to

war, stand up and shout, "RUN FOREST, RUN!"

13. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what

I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get

kicked out of the theatre.

14. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's

Waldo?"

15. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a

single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the

movie.

16. Start an Orc sing-a-long.

17. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and

wander around looking terribly confused.

18. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for

tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!"

19. Imitate what you think a conversation between

Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.

20. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater

during the Shelob scene.

21. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for

governor of California.

22. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's

really let herself go!"

24. After the movie, say, "Lucas could have done it

better."

Heh, I think not, about dressing up as Dr Frankenfurter. Somehow…

Anyway. My day wasn’t interesting. Same old, same old. Apart from the fact that Amy isn’t speaking to me, even though I’ve tried to apoligise etc. Oh well, I can’t help it if that’s the way she feels. French was as usual, a hellish event. We apparently were meant to memorise, or at least try to memorise some coursework crap about our holidays, and then write what you can remember down. Crikey! My memory is as bad as a goldfish’s. It’s in one… eye, and out the other. Oh well, I ended up making a load of stuff up about going to Devon in cars. It could have made sense…

I’ve nearly finished my textiles! We were supposed to have had seventeen hours to work on it already (three hours left of practical), but I missed a couple from illness etc. I’m making a Lord of the Rings puppet theatre. All that needs doing is the wooden frame (courtesy of Dad), and some buttons and holes for them, a new line cinema symbol (to sew on as well), and to re-make the triangular bit at the top. I was going to make puppets as well, but I lacked in time. And effort. So all I’m going to do is print off large pictures of each Hobbit, Wizard, Elf, Man etc, and selo-tape sticks to their backs. It’ll work trust me. Heh heh…

Well, ‘Neighbours’ is on (my favourite soap), so I’ll go now. I may come back later. Who knows…

Be nice, buy me a laptop, and a Hobbit :o)

written on 2004-02-05@5:19 p.m.

before ||after