I am currently at Emma's house, and whilst me and Hazel were watching the faculty (yay for Elijah!) Emma was a-lurking on the Orlando Bloom files and was filing out this form (click on ze link) and it came up with some amusing results, so I thought I'd try it. This is what I came up with (I particularly loved the bit- I quote- "When he takes it he tilts your elbow up towards his dick and brushes it against your skin in a kiss. Following that, while you check to make sure your still fondling")

Here it is anyways:

You boarded the plane at the airport, ecstatic to be heading back home after visiting your friend Elijah Wood in Wellington. Shortly after take off the pilot's voice comes over the loud speaker, ''Sup Bitch! everyone we have reached an altitude of 7 feet and you can all feel free to remove your seat belts and shagging about the cabin. We have 72 hours left so enjoy the flight.' You sigh and remind yourself to stop biting your hand because your nervous. As the stewardess passes, you ask for a vodka and she pulls one out of the cart and hands it to you. She moves down the aisle, 27 rows ahead of you, where she stands, you can hear a familiar voice. With another sip of your vodka you dismiss the idea to being a figment of your happy imagination.

In the back of the plane you overhear a conversation. A tired, smiley looking woman says, 'My seat was supposed to be C-23, on the aisle.' As you turn back, you see the stewardess looking over her ticket and saying, 'Good gravy! Yes, it is.' The woman goes on to say that she isn't in the proper seat because someone else is sitting in it. That's when you almost choke on your vodka realizing that seat C-23 is the one your in, which also happens to be the one your not supposed to be in. Your actual seat is A-23 up at the front. You think to yourself, 'Fuck me!' then gently you get up and have a slimy and freaky conversation with the two women before the stewardess points you to your A-23 seat.

Gathering your carry-on luggage and tree in your arms, you are re-assigned to seat A-23. Not being able to see over the top of your smelly bag in your arms you can only hear the voice in front of you saying, 'Here, let me help you with that.' A pair of sad hands reach up, take the top bag off your pile and help you to load it with the rest into the compartment above the seats. Once free of your baggage you are able to stand foot to foot with this tasty and friendly stranger. It's then that you discover that he is actually not a stranger at all. Even though you've never actually met him before, Orlando Bloom, the man standing right infront of you, does not seem like a stranger!

You both sit down side by side in your seats and start a greasy conversation. Orlando folds the script he was reading onto his ear and looks you in the eyes, 'So, where are you headed?' You explain that your taking this flight to New York then taking a commuter jet to Cambridge in order to get home in time for work on Saturday. He mentions that he has to be back at work Saturday too and you both keep up a cheery conversation until the plane lands at New York. Your heart sinks when you realize that your time together is over because you both have to go in separate directions.

Orlando stands up and helps you with your bags. Standing at the end of the flight terminal you note to yourself that you've just had the most cheeky conversation of your life, as of yet. As you both begin your goodbyes, Orlando takes out a pen and asks for your elbow. When he takes it he tilts your elbow up towards his dick and brushes it against your skin in a kiss. Following that, while you check to make sure your still fondling, Orlando then writes down a series of numbers on your lips explaining that this is his hotel number, 'If you'd like to, I'd like to see you again. This is where you can reach me.' Then with his shoulders shrugged in a fiery good-bye look, he bends down and scoops his hott arms around you in a sweaty hug. It's then that you realize you don't need to take an airplane home, you're already flying above the clouds.

Have a go yourselves! Another one, done by me, Hazel and Emma together: It's saturday afternoon and you're at the grocery store picking up a few odds and ends including some carrots and toilet paper. You stop in the fruits and vegetable aisle and start to feel and smell the bananas. Yum! They're your fav. Then you hear a familiar voice behind you say...'How's the selection today?' You turn around and see that it is Orlando Bloom! He's just standing there smiling at you. Orlando tells you that bananas are his favorite. 'Woooh! Big boy!' you say. 'They're mine too!' 'I wonder what else we have in common?' Orlando says. You can't help but smile. You and Orlando get to talking and you find out that you have a lot in common, including the fact that you both like shagging! Orlando then asks you if you want to get together later tonight for dinner. You're stunned but manage to reply rather calmly...'damn straight!!' You give Orlando your address and he says that he'll pick you up at 7. You say goodbye and then rush home to figure out what to wear on your date. You decide on your favorite blue dress because it makes you look incredibly happy. When Orlando arrives he looks absolutely beautiful in a pink shirt and a pair of black latex pants. He hands you a bouquet of tulips, kisses you on your dick, and tells you that you look sticky. You ask him where you're going for dinner and he tells you that it's a surprise. You walk out to his car, a black lotus, and he opens the passenger door for you. You get in and notice that it smells a little like muffin. Orlando drives you to chillis and says 'Surprise!' He tells you that this is his favorite restaurant. When you walk in, everyone turns to Orlando and says 'how you doin! Orli!' It seems he's a regular here. You get an intimate table in the corner and Orlando orders a bottle of baileys. You order the nuts and the roasted penguin. Orlando gets a plate of chips. You enjoy your wonderful dinner while listening to Orlando as he tells you about his dog Maude and his new pet wolf named elijah. Before you know it, it's 10 o'clock and Orlando explains that he has to go home and get to bed because he has a big day of pissing tomorrow. He drives you home and walks you to your door. He tells you that he had a wonderful time and asks if you want to go out again. Your reply of course is surely do! Orlando then lays his hand on your toe and gives you a passionate kiss. As he's leaving he says 'Goodbye i love your socks, I'll talk to you tomorrow.' Your night with Orlando is over and it will be one that you'll never forget! And now for a letter: Dear Orlando, I've watched you for 3 days straight. I love the hairy way you turn your house key in the lock. I could make you so very sexy someday. I know all of your favorite things such as yellow trees, dildos and sex toys. I can give you all that and more. Love me. I would never make you shagging or sweating if you didn't want to. Even if you did want to, I'd make sure you wouldn't mess up your moody hair and minging clothes. Maybe someday we can take a trip to paris together and milking all day long in the sun. I hope you don't find this disturbing, but I must mincing these feelings to you. Completely yours, Jessica And my favourite so far: 1.WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT? the bench 2.WITH WHO? Orlando 3.WHERE DID YOU AND HIM GO AFTERWARDS? toilets 4.DID YOU KISS HIM? yes 5.HOW MANY TIMES? 69 6.DID YOU LIKE IT? yes 7.WHY? it gave me thrills 8.DID YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE WITH HIM? yes! 9.WHAT? had a grope 10.DID HE ENJOY IT? yes 11.WHAT DID HE SAY? i carried a water melon 12.DID YOU LIKE IT? yes 13.WHY? he had a penis! 14.HAVE YOU DONE IT BEFORE? omg, omg! yehaa bitch! 15.WITH WHOM? dale winton... 16.WHY DID YOU DO IT? forced to 17.WHO TAUGHT YOU? emma Emma! Good gravy...

written on 2004-04-30@7:51 p.m.

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